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“The Ballad of the One-Armed Man with the Pregnant Wife” by Vladislav Khodasevich 🇷🇺 (28 May 1886 – 14 Jun 1939)
Translated from the Russian by U. R. Bowie
What’s this? Am I in what they call a life?
Are we in France or in Nineveh?
A one-armed man with pregnant wife
Just walked into the cinema.
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The angels give me lyres to play,
My world’s pellucid, clear as glass;
And, meanwhile, this guy gapes away,
While Charlie Chaplin shows his ass.
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How come this twerp with ravaged sleeve,
A man of peace, of no small charm,
Can trudge so calmly, unaggrieved
Through worlds that take away an arm?
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This can’t be here; it’s Nineveh,
Is what I think when with his wife
The unarmed leaves the cinema,
And heads for home to live his life.
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That’s when I shriek, my molars gnash,
I take my leather belt in hand,
My angels’ backs I whip and lash;
My angels scatter, then disband,
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Fly high into the city skies.
Reminds me of the way spooked doves,
On St. Mark’s Square did flutter-flies
Beneath the feet of my best love.
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Then graciously I doffed my hat
And walked up to the unarmed man;
First touched his sleeve, tried brief chitchat,
Then made this speech in trite deadpan:
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“Pardon, monsieur, when I’m in hell,
For my disgusting sins requited,
While you, with spouse, in heaven dwell,
(‘Tis true, my life is sore benighted),
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You’ll be aloft, immured in grace,
An eye trained on the sins below,
With no vexations, not a trace,
Your white wings wreathed in hallowed glow,
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Then from your perch on cloudlet blest
Please throw me down a feather light;
Or, soothing to my scorched, burnt breast,
Let one small snowflake land, alight.”
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The man with one arm looked at me,
A grin upon his phizog soft,
Departed then his wife and he;
His derby hat he left undoffed.