I find it very hard to be fair-minded

About people who go around being air-minded.

I just can’t see any fun

In soaring up up up into the sun

When the chances are still a fresh cool orchid to a paper geranium

That you’ll unsoar down down down onto your (to you) invaluable cranium.

I know the constant refrain

About how safer up in God’s trafficless heaven than in an automobile or a train

But …

My God, have you ever taken a good look at a strut?

Then that one about how you’re in Boston before you can say antidisestablishmentarianism

So that preferring to take five hours by rail is a pernicious example of antiquarianism.

At least when I get on the Boston train I have a good chance of landing in the South Station

And not in that part of the daily press which is reserved for victims of aviation.

Then, despite the assurance that aeroplanes are terribly comfortable I notice that when you are railroading or automobiling

You don’t have to take a paper bag along just in case of a funny feeling.

It seems to me that no kind of depravity

Brings such speedy retribution as ignoring the law of gravity.

Therefore nobody could possibly indict me for perjury

When I swear that I wish the Wright brothers had gone in for silver fox farming or tree surgery.